Sushi 101

 
  Eww, stinky! Isn't sushi FISH?!
You are so silly, and that's why I love you! Great-Granny Papplejack taught me sushi don't gotta have nothin' to do with fish. It's a special Japanese word for rice seasoned with rice vinegar, sugar and salt (lay this fact on your girlfriends at the country club for extra popularity). Now gather 'round my apron, and let me learn y'all the different shapes, sizes, races and religions of sushi you can pump out of your very own Fisher Price Sushi-Kitchen â 

What's Great-Granny Papplejack's secret to sushi rice?

Making seasoned rice is so simple you can do it with a Manhattan in one hand and a straight flush in the other! You can use short-grained white, brown or even red rice for you Mensa members. 

The fillings, ma'am?
The love is flowing now. The fillings are the only reason I get up in the morning. When you're playing god in the middle of a sushi roll, you can get crazy as a pimp in a limo, or stay in your bathrobe and simply make rolls with one simple, stinking ingredient. 

Sushi feelings

Feelings, whoa whoa whoa, feeeeeeeeeeeelings.